Female to Male Crossdreaming in Garden of Desires

Emily Dubberley's collection of female sexual fantasies contains several crossdreamer fantasies, where the respondents dream of being a man, playing the role of a man and/or having a penis.

Here are few relevant excerpts from the book. Note that these texts contain sexually explicit language.

This is a sidebar to the Crossdreamer.com article On women who have sexual fantasies about being men.



Anon, 25 years old:

I guess my favourite fantasy could be described as a D/s (domination and submission) gagging/blow job scene, but that doesn’t really capture it. It involves two male-bodied male-identified people. In my head, I can be either participant, most often my perspective switches throughout the scene. It involves a ring gag and face-fucking (leading up to anal penetration), the gentleness/roughness can change within the scene or stay the same. The dominant person drags the tip of their cock over the other’s face. This is important. It conveys a very difficult emotion that includes ownership, gentleness, a feeling of privilege, love and affection on both persons’ parts.

Jess, 30, bisexual:

‘I really like thinking about myself as male during sex, probably in part because of the way my thinking about male sexuality is shaped by society (I imagine “male sexuality” as involving being in control, subverting norms by being receptive, more likely to orgasm). I’ve told my partner about my fantasies, although largely a general statement of thinking of myself as male. I don’t like to share particulars, because I worry he would think I was mentally cheating. He’s been pretty great about it! The language he uses during sex has changed a little bit, and instead of just using a strap-on to fuck him, we’ve also done some stuff where I wear a strap-on during PIV sex. Strap-on sex in general is one of his major fantasies, and it’s been fantastic.

Anon, cis, queer, 25, feminist 

‘My most recent fantasy is that I am a bear male and my (cis male partner) is my fag. I enjoy spooning my cis male partner whilst I masturbate him, feelings of his penis is my penis etc.’

Anon, straight, switch, college student, cisfemale

‘I’ve frequently imagined myself as male. Having a penis was a very regular part of my early fantasies. In addition to having sex with my boyfriend, my main dominant fantasy involves pegging him, mostly going back to that early desire and fantasy of having a penis.

Lea, 31, bi but in a long-term heterosexual relationship,

‘The first fantasy I remember I was recreating the storyline of a soft core porn film I’d seen on TV about a guy who sleeps his way to good grades, then with all sorts of women around a fancy castle. I was a man in that fantasy, and I am in fact a man in my fantasies more often than not (but I identify as female). I have had two recurring ones recently: one based on a comic book strip I read where as a powerful businessman I get a woman to go down on me in a swanky office in exchange for money; the other is inspired by a scene in True Blood – as a male vampire, I am penetrating a woman from behind as her hands are tied to the ceiling; as I ejaculate I bite down on her neck and suck her blood.’

Anna, 38

When I’m feeling really close to my partner during sex, I sometimes take this further. I love the idea of growing a cock to penetrate him with, and him growing a pussy so we can fuck and be connected as man and woman all at once, his cock in me as mine is in him. I think it comes from an idea I heard about Plato’s ‘split aparts’ – that couples were originally individuals who were split into two parts by lightening after angering the gods.

Anon, 48, bi-poly

During sex I fantasise that I’ve got a penis (as I imagine it’s more sensitive than a clitoris as it’s more accessible on all sides). I enjoy gender-bending stuff in others as well as myself. It helps me orgasm when I have trouble, whether masturbating or having sex. I think my experiences with witnessing how sensitive a man’s penis is triggered it. Also, my bi-ness helps me feel fine about imagining having sex with a woman or her doing oral sex on my penis, even though I wouldn’t really want a penis at other times. After I shared this fantasy with my husband, although hetero, he’s found that he likes to imagine I have a penis at times when he’s sexually excited too, so we sometimes pretend his penis is mine while I jack him off while he’s on my chest or I’m sitting on him.

Go back to the main article:  On women who have sexual fantasies about being men.

Dubberley, Emily. Garden of Desires (Black Lace) . Ebury Publishing.